Diamonds Are Forever (Put A Ring On It)

In a glorious mash up of song titles, let's talk about shiny things.

One of the first things people - specifically women - want to do when you announce your engagement is see The Ring. No, not the Japanese horror film or even the awful Hollywood remake. We're talking sparkle and bling, the everyday symbol that someone was prepared to spend the rest of their lives with you.

I wasn't entirely sure why I wanted an engagement ring so much. Had I been so conditioned by 'societal norms' that I didn't even realise I could make the decision not to have one? Or did I want to have something to show others and remind me about what is a supremely happy time in my life in much the same way my stretchmarks remind me of my children (don't worry, I don't show people my stretchmarks)? Or did it just come down to the fact that I like sparkly things?

I've thought about it and decided that it's a mixture of all three. But then what to pick? I knew I wanted a diamond (that's the social conditioning) but I didn't want a new ring. To my eye, they seem a bit... brash. And big. I blame America for this kind of thing.

See? Insane. No one apart from a Kardashian needs something like that.

Also, they're Very Expensive. Back in the 1930s, De Beers started a major campaign to increase diamond sales. In Don Draper-esque move, they came up with 'Diamonds Are Forever' and introduced the concept of spending a month's salary on an engagement ring. Then it became two months. Then three. I have a panic attack just thinking about carrying something worth that much around on my finger everyday. And we don't have that much money to splash on such a frivolity.

So what to do? I knew I wanted a diamond. I knew I wanted it to be discreet but sparkly and I knew I didn't have much money. After steaming up the window looking at perfect and perfectly unaffordable antique rings in the local antique jewellery shop, I headed to Ebay. There is the danger with Ebay that you may be buying a dud but that's where some research comes in. Look at what else the seller has on offer, check their feedback, look closely at the pictures. I spent about a week looking at various rings before selecting my favourite three. Then I asked Ray which he would pick for me. Proving he knows me well, he picked the same one that I had fallen in love with. Small but shiny and, importantly for me, reminding me of my gran's engagement ring, I broke with my Ebay rules and set up a snipe bid for it.

And it was mine.

Although it was a bit big. So off I went to the Nice Jewellers in town to have it resized. The woman I spoke to asked if it was an heirloom whereupon I had to confess to my bargain purchase. She then confirmed that I had indeed got what I paid for and that if I'd bought it from them, I'd have paid hundreds of pounds more for it. Off it went to be resized and a week later it was back and on my finger.

It might sound strange but having it there makes the whole engagement and future marriage seem solid and legitimate. Social media relationship statuses may be the modern way to tell the world but maybe De Beers were right and diamonds really are forever.

Who Doesn't Love A Spreadsheet?

If there's one thing everyone can agree on when it comes to weddings, it's that they need to be planned with almost military precision. There are countless websites that will help you do it or cute binders with designated sections if you prefer to be analogue.

Me? I like a good spreadsheet. Colour coding, formulas, all coming together to make planning a glorious breeze.

Within a couple of days of The Proposal, I had spreadsheets set up to help plan my way through the maze and delirium that is wedding fever. It can be so easy to be distracted by the minutiae that you can lose sight of the main things that need to be sorted.

When I told people that there were spreadsheets involved and that I was actually quite excited about them, there was some laughter and incredulity that anyone could be excited about spreadsheets. THEY'RE SPREADSHEETS ABOUT MY WEDDING! Of course I'm excited about them.

I'm not sure I understand how people can manage such a huge project with potentially huge amounts of money involved without some form of organisation. True, I may be edging to the extreme end of super organisation but it pays to treat it like any other project you'd manage at work or if you were getting a new kitchen or something. There is nothing romantic about planning and project management.

So what do I have spreadsheets for? Well, there's a Guest List one with tabs dividing guests into family, mutual friends, Ray's friends and my friends then sub divided into ceremony and reception only guests. All colour coded of course. This means that I can easily see when numbers reach "Really? We're not THAT popular" levels and adjust accordingly. Which sadly does mean striking people off the list. I'm not enjoying that part at all.

Then there's the Mastersheet. This contains everything. Venues, photographers, caterers, invitation designers, decorations, extras that I probably haven't even thought of yet. There's a cover sheet with a rough budget in to gauge costs as we go - already useful for making me check my expectations as the numbers seem ever crazier - with actual costs going in as they're confirmed. The rest of the sheets cover people we've contacted, when we're visited them in the case of venues, pros, cons, costs etc. Again, this has been really useful to help me track who I've contacted and who has or hasn't got back to me.

So, that's how I'm managing my organisation. How did/are you doing yours? Are you as spreadsheet crazy as me or are you a genius who can get by with scribbling things on the backs of envelopes?

The Proposal

There's some things that you don't expect in life and for me, marriage was one of them. When you're with someone who you know you're going to grow old with then there's an expectation that marriage will happen. For us, that expectation belonged to other people. It can get a bit wearying having people ask again and again when we'd be getting married, not believing that Ray was quite adamant that he wanted no part of it and that he was happy as we were.

I can't lie, I'd have liked marriage but it wasn't essential to my happiness and security in our relationship. And so, there we were. Living in sin as the Daily Mail would have it.

Until The Proposal.

If ever anything was more unexpected, I've yet to hear of it. The only details I need to share are that it perfectly captured us as a couple and yes, I cried. After I'd laughed it off as some kind of joke of course.

But it wasn't a joke and so now I find myself planning The Unexpected Wedding. There'll be spreadsheets and dresses and panic and stresses but a lot of love and a lot of excitement.